Thursday, May 19, 2011

Miles' light shines on

I've been thinking a lot of how we'll talk about Miles with our baby girl. I know it will be a long time until she'll really understand. It will be complicated, I know. Of course. But it won't take long for her to know that we love Miles, too. It won't be complicated to know what to say about Miles--to speak of his strength, his charming nature, his long eye lashes, his baby mullet.  And it dawns on me (with a bittersweet happiness that is more sweet than bitter) that we'll talk to our daughter about how sad we are that Miles isn't here with us but more than that we'll talk about how wonderful it was when he was here.  We'll talk about how strong Miles was through his long stay in the hospital, how he decided to smile even when things were rough for him, how he brought so much joy to the people around him. He'll be somewhat of a pint-sized legend, I've already decided.

Most of all, I can't wait to tell her...

  • Miles was a fighter. He had multiple heart surgeries (and multiple other procedures and surgeries, too). He was so tough through them all. He just kept trying. He was so strong, and he was just a baby.
  • Miles was a baby working on his own time. After using the ventilator breathing tube for months, Miles was ready to do it on his own. Breathing still wasn't easy for him, but his little chest worked hard at it...proving to all of us that he did things on his own timeline.
  • Miles was a charmer. It was impossible not to fall in love with him. His precious face, his I-am-not-amused stare, and his particular enjoyment of rocking on our forearms, listening to Dave Matthews lullabies, and having a good booty shake charmed us all.
  • Miles was a looker. He was born with a perfectly precious face, not even a hint of the old-man look you would expect. He had long eyelashes and blue eyes. As he got older, his cheeks got chubbier and he had little sideburns like his daddy. Best of all, his hair was business in the front and party in the back--a true baby mullet. 
  • Miles was wonderfully made. His plumbing wasn't good, but he was perfect. 
And so I'll read On the Night You Were Born by Nancy Tillman to our daughter and I will think of Miles because on the day he was born, the world would never be the same.


  1. I found your blog through ICLW. I look forward to following your journey. I'm incredibly sorry for your loss.


  2. I came across your blog on ICLW and I look forward to following your story. You write very beautifully about your sweet Miles. Thank you for sharing him with us through your writing. I am so sorry for your loss.

  3. Miles truly was a beautiful little boy. I'm so sorry you lost him but I think it is so wonderful the way you plan on sharing him with his sister.

    ICLW #6