It feels like being an optimist in a shattered world. The life I wanted no longer exists. I am as happy as possible but the amount of happiness that was once possible is broken; happiness being complete is simply impossible.
It feels like I am here, living my life, doing the small things, taking in each day. Because the value of being present is a present from Miles. And it feels like I am somewhere else. I'm in the place where all of my children are.
It feels like the opposite of the reassurance, the relief, and the hope that should come with the phrase "This too shall pass." No, friend, it will not. Many difficulties, challenges, and sadnesses do pass. The death of my child--that is a loss, a heartbreak, a reality that does not pass.
That's what it feels like to live each day without Miles here.
I won't say that's what it feels like to live each day without Miles. Because I'm not living each day without him. I'm living each day without him here.