Tuesday, August 23, 2011

A dream that I long for

Sleep now comes in snatches. Two or three hours at a time. Short but oh-so-sweet sleep.

During one late night sleep session during a night when there was way more screaming than sleep happening, I dreamt that I was holding both my babies. I had Miles on one shoulder and Elliott on the other. Elliott was her four-week size. Miles was his four-and-a-half month size--the size that I remember him last. They were both fussing, and I was busy being their mommy. Both of them. I had both of them.

I woke up feeling both of them in my arms. As I cradled Elliott in my arms, I scrambled to remember every detail of holding them both. I smiled to think of Miles, I smiled that he was in my dream. And a lump settled in my throat.

It will never happen on this earth. Elliott and Miles won't be physically together. I'll never hold both of them at the same time. It is just a dream I long for.


  1. This is what I love the most about reading your blog--the way you write about experiencing happiness and pain at the same time. I hope that you get to hold on to that memory, even if (especially if?) it can't happen when you're awake.

  2. Although it will never be enough, I'm glad you had such a sweet dream. Definitely one to hold on to. xoxo