Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Winnie The Pooh

“If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart…I'll always be with you.”                                 ~Winnie The Pooh

For the record, this is the first time I've ever quoted Winnie The Pooh. It just seems like the thing to do though. A friend passed along the quote and all of a sudden I find myself a Pooh fan.

From the second Miles was born, the world changed for Mitch and me. Regardless of anything that happened after that moment, he was a love of our lives. It happened immediately and grew with each moment that we spent with him.

And I do think we'll always be together. Not in the way that I want. I would much prefer to have him here with me every day so don't go thinking I'm really putting a positive spin on things. There is no positive spin, no silver lining to losing Miles. The silver lining was Miles. That's it. There is no greater silver lining. 

What I do mean is that he's with me...not physically but spiritually I guess.  This I know: part of me went with him and part of him stayed with me. Just saying that sounds too fluffy or sentimental to me but that's not the way I mean it. I can envision two worlds--the one I'm in (in a very hazy way still at times) and the one that almost was. The one where Miles, Mitch, and me (and now the baby on the way) all are.  It's wishful thinking of course, but it almost happened, it should have happened--and I spend some of my time there. 

So we're "together" in this very bizarre way. It's not the way I would have wanted it for Miles and for us, it's not what I would have imagined my life would be. But it's good that Miles is always with me.

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